A fews years ago I met Matthieu Ricard ("the world’s happiest man who wishes you wouldn’t call him that") at a Contemplative Studies conference (the intersection of buddhism, psychology, and neuroscience). I was immediately struck by something I'd never felt as strongly before, and still haven’t to this day: a palpable aura of joy and warmth and positive energy. Ever since then I've looked for that feeling in others and tried to cultivate it in myself. While I still feel like I've only seen the edges of this puzzle I think I've found a few rules that can help engender this warmth field.
Have enough. People who need nothing from you, and more, whose cup runneth over, feel good to be around. The tiny amount of stress most of us have in social situations about pleasing other people fades away and we can just be comfortable in the moment.
Love yourself and others unconditionally. The natural output of metta. People can tell when they are in the presence of someone who radiates love for all beings. And it turns out it feels quite good. Generalized authentic benevolence is cool.
Notice what's awesome about other people and interact from that place. Authenticity is attractive. Interaction from an authentic place of love or respect doubly so. Become the kind of person who looks for the lovable facets in others in order to amplify them.
Would love to hear others if you know them!
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
–Maya Angelou
